Marlins Want Fat Men Who Can Dance

February 23rd, 2008 @ 1:44pm

MIAMI (AP) - The Florida Marlins are looking for some footloose fat men. The National League team is creating an all-male, plus-size cheerleading squad to be dubbed the Manatees. Tryouts were scheduled for Sunday.

The team hopes to recruit seven to 10 tubby men to dance, cheer and jiggle during Friday and Saturday home games this season.

Real manatees, 1,200-pound mammals sometimes referred to as "sea cows," are not considered the most agile of creatures and often get caught in boat propellers.

The Marlins want their Manatees to have the same dimensions, but to be decidedly more agile. Men will be judged on how well they dance a choreographed routine.

The Marlins already have a cheerleading squad, the considerably more svelte Mermaids.

Men selected for the Manatees won't be paid. They'll get tickets to games they perform at, and the honor of dancing in front of crowds that have been smallest in major league baseball for the last two seasons.

The Marlins aren't the only pro sports team capitalizing on Americans' expanding waistlines. The Chicago Bulls basketball team have the Matadors, a big-man dance troupe that's entertained fans at home games since 2003.

And although cheerleaders might be an unfamiliar site in baseball, big men aren't, as fans have long cheered on the likes of Babe Ruth and Kirby Puckett.

.

Something for the people.

I Like You Too

Eye like yew to.
Aye, like ewe two.

If you are interested in acquiring free U2 concert music, go to this site: U2 Start. You'll be glad you did. The site has something like 1,000 of their concerts - each one in its entirety - from the whole career. Amazing. That's A ... MA... ZING.

Glenn Beck on President Hinckley

Zamzar

Yo yo - wat up? Here is an awesome site: Zamzar. It will make all your wildest dreams come true.

Convert a You Tube video into an mpeg, or an mp3. For free. Find beautiful live performances of your most favorite artist, performances that were never available on any album, and convert them into a CD.

Enjoy

My Testimony

I am troubled by recent and numerous media reports (brought about in part by the presence of Mitt Romney as a presidential candidate) that skew or misrepresent Mormonism. I am troubled by those who slam our entire church because of one negative experience perpetrated by the imperfect members of our faith. I am troubled by those not of our faith who give more credence to a critic than a member when it comes to determining our doctrine. If you want to know the truth about somebody, go to the source – not to a third party.

Apostle M. Russell Ballard of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints challenged us members to consider sharing our views on blogs, responding to online news reports and using the “new media” in other ways.

I would like to do that.

I am a believing member of the Mormon church. I try to live its precepts, often failing; nevertheless I cherish my association with the Church. I am profoundly grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

For those of you who may not be a believer, or if you falter in your faith, I urge you to study our doctrine:

Study The Book of Mormon.
Read our manuals.
Study the Doctrine and Covenants and our church history.
Surf around our web site: www.lds.org.
Attend our meetings.
Study our General Conference talks.
Get to know our people.

If you approach these things without bias, you will find clarity, purpose, and sweet communion with God.

I believe all the doctrines of the Church. I cherish the vast amount of Gospel knowledge the Church offers. I believe the words and revelations of Joseph Smith. I believe there is divine purpose in the seemingly endless trials we go through in this life. I look forward with fear and excitement to the time when I will see Jesus Christ again. I believe in an afterlife, that this life is merely a bus stop in our eternal progression.

This Church and its Gospel mean everything to me. I encourage you to embrace our faith as well.

- Tim Brooks

The Internet

The Internet takes me away from nearby friends, from real interaction and conversation.

The Internet keeps me home.

The Internet promotes my physical inactivity

The Internet tempts me with inappropriate things.

The Internet lures me away with trivial, unimportant information.

The Internet often wastes my time.

The Internet frazzles and fragments my thinking, and my attention span, with flitting images and numerous options. I often do not dwell on subjects that require time to understand.

The Internet often robs me of being a content human being, of reflection time, and of inner-peace opportunities.

Cursed be distractions, and that which is trivial, alluring, but unsubstantial.

Counsel to self: exercise caution, self-discipline, and restraint when on the computer.

Finally!

For years I thought I was the only person who thought Bono and Robin Williams looked alike. I found this picture on the web.

"This is '40.' Good night."

I’m reflective, struggling a bit with 40. There is too much death of youthfulness for people my age.

I have connected so much with U2’s most recent album, How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. It has Bono making numerous references to how he is combating the death of youthfulness, and refusing to let age dictate him:

“Time won’t leave me as I am
But time won’t take the boy out of this man”
(“City of Blinding Lights”)

And

“As you enter this life
I pray you depart
With a wrinkled face
And a brand new heart”
(“Love and Peace”)

And

“I’m alive
I’m being born
I just arrived, I’m at the door
Of the place I started out from
And I want back inside”
(“All Because of You”)

The body might not be able to do what it used to, but there’s still some kick left.

And my soul is only as old as I choose. The way I choose to approach life. Like I said, I gotta jump in the river!

I’m halfway there…

Bono, Balboa, and Brett

My work this year has been to obtain a master’s in administrative education from BYU. To achieve this goal, I am vigorously engaged in a full-time internship at Brighton High School four days a week, as well as 12 hours of classes at BYU on Wednesdays. My life is consumed by these two entities.

Tomorrow is my last day at Brighton, and it has been a wonderful experience. After Thanksgiving I will begin my second internship at Sunrise Elementary School in Sandy. This should be easier, in that there will be essentially no after-school supervision assignments, and maybe even time during the day to do homework – things pretty much unthinkable at Brighton.

The real reason I’m here is to express something else that’s been on my mind… Bono, Balboa, and Brett.

During these past years I have aged much. My body inches forward to 40. I have a recovering meniscus and a tender rotator cuff. I haven’t played basketball for six forlorn months. I am putting on weight, and find it rare to have the energy and time to exercise (not to mention the ability to resist the sheer beauty of a brownie). The responsibilities of father, husband, and adulthood in general slow me down, weigh me down, and age me. My career as a middle school teacher the last few years dented me, left me worn thin. There is so much to do right now in my life, so much to look after, and so much to be concerned about. I am becoming more fuddy duddy than I ever would have imagined. In many ways, and inadvertently, I have kind of been packing it in and giving up. This is not a good thing.

Recently, however, my attention has been drawn to the lives of three extraordinary men who have demonstrated an exemplary resurgence in their lives: Bono of U2, Sylvester Stallone in Rocky Balboa, and Brett Favre of the Green Bay Packers. In Bono’s case, the band seems to defy time and the odds by continuing to produce fresh, challenging, insightful, artistic music – despite their 30+ years together. Their most recent album is incredible. In Stallone’s case, his last Rocky movie inspired me deeply by its courageous portrayal of an aging man refusing to give up. And finally, Brett Favre, who almost retired last year, is at the age of 38 leading the NFL as a quarterback, playing passionately, and leading his team to a very successful year so far. He’s like a young man again.

The message of all three teaches me that age does not determine when a person loses passion for living and achieving. The body, heart, and soul are more resilient than I had given them credit for. Life is meant to be lived, not just gotten through.

I want to live life fully! I want to live happy! I want to be an old man someday who can look back with profound satisfaction that I lived a life worth living, gave, served, had fun, perhaps even made a difference. I don’t want to live half a life. I don’t want to cower in fear, retreat in the shadows, resent, regret, etc. I want to be the kind who jumps in the river and swims with the current, going wherever its God-guided current takes me, and not a geeky, complacent, by-standing observer who kept his hands in his pocket, his mouth shut, and never even got his feet wet. I don’t want to live my life observing other people living on television. I want to live my own reality, not that of a television watcher or cyber citizen.

Counsel to self: Trust God. Strive. Wriggle. Visit a museum. Sniff the outdoors. Laugh. Speak out. Give. Do not live life or drive on cruise control. Let there be variety. Let there be some risk. Don’t always wad yourself up in schedules, deadlines, tasks, perfection, pre-calculated action, or coverage.

In the immortal words of Cliff Mayes, professor at BYU: “Who needs a hug?!”

Church Ball celebrity

Yesterday was the first day of my first internship at Brighton High School. I will spend three months at each school job shadowing with the administrators to learn the tricks of the trade. Something cool happened on my first day: I got to meet a celebrity. His name is Stan Ellsworth, and he played Jeremiah Johnson in the movie Church Ball. I helped him register his daughter. And he looks (and acts) exactly how is in the movie. Dude, it was awesome!!!











When I first saw him, I went up and without even introducing myself, said, “I just want you to know that I loved that movie you were in!” I pretty much made a fool of myself, but who cares. He was very gracious about it all.

Why?

Why does everything have to be so political?

Pass the ice cream.

Lagoon

I don't like Lagoon. It costs $37 to get into Lagoon (for only $26 more you can get into Disneyland). That's pretty expensive to pay to walk along unevenly paved, gum-covered asphalt; wait in lines for three hours to enjoy a 45-second ride; see a few sickly, lethargic zoo animals; look at a filthy, feather and bird-feces-infested pond; have disinterested teenage employees huffily operate rickety, old rides; and pay extra money for specialty rides. GIVE ME A BREAK.

Even if I had to pay triple to get in, Disneyland is still by far a better bargain than Lagoon. The dressed up characters, the fireworks, Main Street, the music, better and more rides, etc. kicks butt all over Lagoon.

Thirty-seven bucks to get into Lagoon?? You have GOT to be kidding me. Lagoon is lame. Don't waste your money. By the time you leave there, counting the cost of food, souvenirs, arcade games, etc. you haven't spent much less than a visit to Disneyland, where they know how to entertain.

Wake up, people! Don't go to Lagoon!

DON'T GO TO LAGOON!

Simplify

Simplify.

Here's my point

.

Ice cream

Two days ago I finished my one-month abstinence from ice cream. I am GLAD it’s over. I can't tell you how glad.


(This is my 73rd blog.)

Evangelicals for Mitt

One of my buddies forwarded this to me. I felt it worth posting:


Mitt Romney Not Our Pastor-in-Chief Nancy French Wednesday, May 23, 2007
By Nancy French

There's a question I'm often asked by my closest friends and casual
acquaintances alike: "How could a committed Christian like you support a Mormon for president?"

I get that question a lot as co-founder of the Evangelicals for Mitt
organization - especially now that Rev. Al Sharpton has apparently
taken it upon himself to question the validity of Mitt Romney's faith.

In fact, the news that I'm supporting Romney for president recently
brought one of my Christian friends to tears - she couldn't understand it.

The mainstream media often seems as incredulous as my friend. They maintain that Romney has no chance in the Bible Belt, due to the differences between the Mormon faith and mainstream Christianity. But my emotional friend's reaction notwithstanding, the media have it wrong.

Let me explain why. To paraphrase Jerry Falwell, I wouldn't want Gov. Romney as my Sunday school teacher, but that's not the office he's running for. The fact is, we're not electing a Pastor-in-Chief. Voters who care about traditional values are smart enough to keep that in mind.

In countless conversations with Southern evangelicals, here are the
questions asked most frequently:

Can Evangelicals and Mormons really work together and trust each
other? The fact is that in spite of our theological differences, Christians and Mormons are already political allies. In fact, if Mormons weren't consistently more conservative than their evangelical neighbors, Al Gore would be America's president now - instead of his newfound role as the earth's "weather psychic."

Does believing "Mormon stuff" make Romney gullible? All religions
require a leap of faith that appears silly to outsiders. If a reporter questioned me about my religion, he'd raise an eyebrow over my belief that Noah was a floating zookeeper, that Jesus was the best sommelier in Galilee, and that he paid taxes with coins from a fish's mouth.

No one belongs to the Church of the Scientific Method, so religion falls outside normal reasoning. Gov. Romney's beliefs certainly require faith - including his quite miraculous notion that Jesus is his personal Savior. In my experience, evangelicals loathe religious litmus tests, ever since Democrats tried to disqualify Christian and Catholic judges because of their beliefs. And as far as gullible goes, well, don't forget: Mitt Romney has two Harvard degrees.

Is America ready for a Mormon president? If someone asked me whether I'd support a "former alcoholic," a "divorced Hollywood actor," or a "Southern Baptist," I'd pick the "Baptist" every time. However, when actual names are associated with the traits, I'd pick the former alcoholic (George W. Bush) or actor (Ronald Reagan) over the Baptist (Bill Clinton) faster than you can say "Lewinsky."

The point is, individual personalities matter. As America learns more about Gov. Romney, his political triumphs will overshadow his religion. For example, after brazen judges legalized homosexual "marriage," he stopped Massachusetts from becoming "gay Las Vegas" by refusing to marry out-of-state gay couples.

He also erased a $3 billion dollar debt without raising taxes, and has forcefully advocated pro-life positions. In other words, the question isn't whether we're ready for a Mormon, but are we ready for this Mormon.

What about Baptist preacher Mike Huckabee? John Mark Reynolds wrote that "my faith in the holiness standards of Baptists survived Clinton and my belief in their sanity survived Carter, though that was a closer call." But Gov. Huckabee doesn't deserve to be tainted by the dubious political legacy of recent Baptist leaders - i. e. Clinton's moral failure, Carter's weak foreign policy, Johnson's social programs, and Gore's use of the word "lock box." Evangelicals evaluate candidates on their political merits and don't vote for the "most Christian" person on the ballot. (Note the Oval Office absence of Alan Keyes.)

Doesn't theology matter? Of course it matters! If a candidate belonged to the "Church of Killing Canadians," to use an absurd illustration, voters would rightly ask whether he planned on invading Canada and stealing their moose. Some theologies do lead to flawed political decisions. But Mormonism and Evangelical Christianity have common moral and, therefore, political values.

In fact, the only difference between a Mormon and a Presbyterian at a cocktail party is the Mormon isn't getting a chardonnay refill. Perhaps someone less scandalous than Ward Cleaver is just what a Mark Foley/Ted Haggard fatigued nation needs.

How many "first ladies" will Mitt bring to the White House? The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints gave up polygamy in 1890. In fact, the polygamists and their bun-wearing wives on Dateline are as realistic a portrayal of Mormons as mountain-dwelling snake handlers are of evangelicalism. Romney's been married to the same woman for 38 years - while Rudy Giuliani walked down the aisle three times, John McCain twice, and Newt Gingrich three times. As Kate O'Beirne recently noted, the only
GOP frontrunner with one wife is the Mormon.

Are you really a Christian? Please: I've eaten countless unidentifiable casseroles at potlucks and I've sung "Just As I Am" 73 million times. I just so happen to support Mitt Romney for President - in spite of our theological differences. I happen to think it's more "Christian" to give the man a fair shake, than to pave the way for candidates without a commitment to social issues.

I'm apparently not alone - donors in Tennessee gave more money to Romney than any other candidate. Plus, he beat all current GOP candidates in straw polls in Memphis, Washington, D. C., and even Greenville, S. C. He's also garnered endorsements by prominent evangelicals like Jay Sekulow, Mark DeMoss, and Hugh Hewitt.

Most importantly, though, the mere mention of his name makes the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, and the mainstream media break out into hives. That, of course, is enough to make any evangelical put aside theological differences, and take notice.

Nancy French is co-founder of www. EvangelicalsforMitt. org and the author of "Red State of Mind: How a Catfish Queen Reject Became a Liberty Belle"

No ice cream for a month

As of June 12th, I have vowed to myself not to eat ice cream for a month. Reasons:

1. It makes me fat.

2. It makes me feel bloated.

3. It has become an addiction. I am eating way too much of it.

4. It's an exercise in self-control, which I have very little of when it comes to eating.

5. I need a reason to post a blog.

==================================

As of July 12th, I will resume eating ice cream again. Reasons:

1. It's yummy.

2. It's addictive.

3. My self-bargained month will be over.

4. I am going to die anyway.

Will Carter on Immigration

A friend of mine wrote the following:

While Washington D.C. dithers over immigration "reform," the illegal invasion of America continues. I live and work at the "front lines" of this invasion, doing the work most Americans won't do: I teach in California, holding class in the same rooms where my father attended high school some fifty five years ago.

But the "old" school is hardly recognizable today. Whereas 87% of my father's class was "white" and exclusively English-speaking, fully 97% of the present student body is "brown" and mostly Spanish-speaking.

Those distinctions would be inconsequential, but for other differences.

A disturbing number of my "main-stream" students cannot count. Simple math is an impenetrable mystery for them. Even with a calculator, they cannot sum or subtract, multiply or divide. For these, numbers remain mostly meaningless.

This may be attributed, to some extent, to language deficiencies. (I cannot count in Cantonese, for that matter!) But our school district recently lost its lawsuit demanding that our students be tested in Spanish rather than in English. And administrators must now be quietly rejoicing, for had they won their suit, the results certainly would have been doubly dismaying. For, remarkably, much of our population is largely illiterate in either language.

Coming as they do from mostly impoverished, largely illiterate homes -- sometimes bypassing elementary education altogether – many never adequately learn to read or write. Consequently, textbooks (and written tests) are virtually incomprehensible to them. Classwork and homework (at grade level) remain uncompleted and the majority of students, freshman and seniors alike, cannot cobble together a cogent, coherent sentence, let alone an essay.

By allowing such gross inadequacy to persist in our public schools, we have created a culture in which mediocrity and ignorance have prevailed and become the norm; failure and apathy are now entrenched; and half our student population drops out or "transfers" before graduation. Were it not for rampant grade inflation and the "dumbing down" of core curricula, the drop-out and failure rates would be even higher. The results of standardized tests, administered over several decades, have borne this out.

We have imported a "servant-class" nation of often hard-working, usually congenial, but mostly illiterate peasants who fled, understandably, from corrupt and despotic regimes under whose reign these foreign-born brothers and sisters have had little hope of prospering and for whom mere survival has become a challenge. Yet the children of these immigrants, born here and abroad, lack understanding. They have been raised in an impoverished environment which has pragmatically accommodated lawlessness and political corruption.

What wholesome culture can arise among those who lurk in the shadows of illegality? who thrive in anonymity or depend upon pay-offs, bribes, and false (or stolen) identities for survival? Failure to assimilate affords criminals protection from accountability, especially when cities (like the one in which I work) institutionally provide "sanctuary" for those who reside here illegally.

The consequences of lawlessness and illegality may seem trivial to some, insulated as they may be by wealth and privilege. Yet the average American citizen suspects that a disproportionate number of crimes are being committed by illegal immigrants living and working "under the radar." For most of us, it is obvious that the quality of "domestic tranquility" has deteriorated in recent years. Crimes of violence; vandalism; theft; uninsured, hit-and-run and drunken driving; depressed wages; higher taxes; growing slums; overburdened social systems; and plummeting academic scores all correspond with increasing numbers of "undocumented workers."

For thousands of illegal immigrants who murder, maim and plunder in our midst, Mexico and beyond remains a refuge of "last resort" to which one may furtively retire to avoid accountability for one's crimes committed here. Meanwhile, hundreds of thousands of such criminals, here illegally, never make it to the border and rot in U.S. jails at taxpayer's expense.

Two illegal aliens that aren't in jail -- one age 29, the other age 24 – raped my foster daughters last year. With the help of the police one Sunday morning, I apprehended them, hiding, half-dressed, in a child's closet in my neighbor's house. In the presence of these officers, the men admitted their guilt, apologizing for having sex with the 15- and 17-year-old girls. I left the scene, confident that the perpetrators would be taken into custody and held accountable for their crimes.

But I was mistaken. Imagine my surprise when the police told me they had let the rapists go! They didn't even finger-print or photograph them! "Why?" I asked. "We didn't know the men had had sex with them, or that the girls were underage," the officer said. "But you were there! You heard their confessions! They admitted it right in front of you! The girls came out of the bedroom half naked!" "We don't speak Spanish," the officer told me. (Apparently, the police are trained well enough to say, "Salgan de alli! Manos arriba!" but that's about it.)

Both girls were Latinas. A rape kit was administered to the 15-year-old. The 17-year-old was already pregnant – with her third child conceived in foster care (another monumental scandal of which Californians are utterly unaware). But the perpetrators were long gone, allowed to simply walk away. "Why don't you go pick them up?" I asked. "We don't know who they are or where they live," the police explained. "They had no identification. No address." The police couldn't even talk to them. So they let them go.

Over a hundred years ago, when my ancestors came to this country (legally), they embraced America's culture, celebrated her holidays, learned her common language (English), called themselves "Americans" (not "hyphenated" Americans), waved the American flag, abided by America's laws, and assimilated into American society.

The current crop of immigrants (particularly from Latin America) doesn't seem to be doing that. They wave foreign flags, speak a foreign language, and demand U.S. rights even as they break U.S. laws. They come to this country largely illiterate and often illegally, undereducated and unprepared to assimilate into American society. Meanwhile, they overwhelm our social services, lower our school's academic performance, and radically change our way of life. Perhaps that "change" is more evident in the classroom than anywhere else. But it is a profound change, nonetheless.

While Americans have compassion for those striving to come here in search of a better life and while we sympathize with those suffering poverty and lack of opportunity elsewhere in the world, still, it is inappropriate that the legitimate needs and concerns of native Americans (meaning those born to Americans or who are otherwise naturalized citizens of the U.S.) should be now suppressed and ignored in favor of illegal immigrants. It is wrong that Americans are now compelled, under the guise of "political correctness," to keep silent in the face of this radical transformation of American culture, even the loss of American sovereignty. Anyone who speaks up or dares speak out against the current invasion is immediately branded a racist, a bigot, or a xenophobe.

I, for one, do not consider it racist, bigoted, or xenophobic to cherish one's heritage, to uphold the rule of law, or to protect and retain the American way of life. It is not incumbent upon us as Americans to give up what we hold dear simply because others want it for themselves or seek to destroy it. However, should we chose not to defend what is ours or protect what it means to be American, we shouldn't be surprised to wake up one day to discover that the America we know is gone.

Art

The need for art.

I get caught up in being an adult: child rearing, career, household duties, calling, … the list could go on.

I forget how art can soothe me, or give me dimension.

Here is some art I like.