Interesting perspective on religion, childhood, and trauma

 

Perspective: Don’t believe the headlines. Few people suffer trauma from religion in childhood

Reply to BYU Magazine article "Why Women Don't Speak"

A woman I know sent the following letter to the BYU Magazine editors on June 14, 2020:

 

I found the recent article Why Women Don’t Speak distasteful. It is unfair to men and laced with condescending inferences about women.  It sheds a very negative light on women in circles where they find themselves outnumbered.  Women are portrayed as helpless whiners who pout and throw tantrums to be heard.  Men are characterized as insensitive and deaf, hoping women will be quiet and not make any demands.

I don’t deny that there are cases in which women are not heard in academic, religious and political circles. However, I do not believe this problem is as pervasive as the article implies.  I have been blessed that my experiences as a woman in male-dominated arenas does not come close to the way you have described it.

I have been in multiple Church auxiliary leadership positions for over 30 years.  I graduated from BYU where most of my professors were men.  I served a full-time proselyting mission where there were 30 sisters and 120 elders.  I divorced a man with long-term substance abuse.  I have been a full-time single working mother while simultaneously obtaining my Master’s degree.  I worked for more than 16 years in the Church’s Employment and Welfare department.  I have been a member in many Church councils and leadership meetings.  I have been a participant in pilots, seminars, conferences, workshops, and a host of work organizations where I was one of only a few females among men.  I can’t recall a time when I was marginalized, interrupted or brushed off in those settings.  Men have not treated me that way.  In Church, school, and work, men have sincerely gone out of their way to include and encourage my participation.  They have been respectful and kind and have given me more than my share of opportunities to participate and add value to the common cause.   

 

The article paints a picture of a disgruntled woman who is put-off and put-out when she believes men aren’t listening to or endorsing her ideas. It continues to promote the stale and antiquated argument that after all these decades women are still suppressed, sidelined, and silenced. “The problem, in part, could be you,” says Jessica R. Preece.  That is correct!  Women have placed the responsibility of speaking up on men, but women should take responsibility and not blame men for their fear or lack of speaking. They seem to blame men for not hearing them as the reason why women don’t have a voice at the table.  Nowhere in the article was the word responsibility used. Women have a responsibility to speak up and not passively sit waiting for men to “Protect—even solicit—the speech of women in the room.” Men may fear women saying we do not want “artificial….politeness.” Women want men to solicit their input, but not come across as solicitous. 

How might a man respond to this article?  How does he feel?  Men are compelled to be aware of and sensitive to how women feel, but the same consideration is not given to them.  Women interrupt incessantly--often not even hearing them.  On dozens of occasions I have heard women say, “Men just don’t get it.”  Women can get away with rude statements like that, but if a man said “Women just don’t get it” he would be called out as sexist and likely removed from the table and accused of harassment as well.

I do not at all doubt that some women have been marginalized and mistreated in Church settings—just as some men have been marginalized and mistreated.  That is a shame, but the greater shame is in the woman who passes the burden of responsibility and inclusion to men.

 

The Revelation Of The Pyramids (Documentary)

Beatles records from Donna

Today I received two Beatles records from a seller on eBay. I wanted these specific records because they came with a great story: the lady selling them was their original owner. I asked her if she would tell me their story. This is what she wrote on a card and included with the records:

I remember being in the 6th grade and only 11 years old when the Beatles first made their appearance in America.

The first time I ever saw them was on The Ed Sullivan Show. The date was February 9, 1964. Everyone I knew watched that show! It was just the most exciting thing to ever happen!

We had never seen hair cuts like that or anyone dress the way they did. Their music was so different and they were so exotic! Paul was my favorite...

My friends and I all listened to their songs on the radio. My parents gave me both these albums for Christmas. As you can see, they were well loved and used.

When I got a little older, my best friend and I would take the bus downtown on Saturdays to go look at all the records at Canterbury Records in Pasadena, California. It was located at 805 E. Colorado Blvd. It is still there to this day and is the oldest surviving record store in the L.A. area. It opened in 1956.

We would save our babysitting money and buy a single record when we could!

It is my pleasure to now pass these on to you!

Most sincerely,

Donna

Cinderella play - Paradigm High School 2021

 Here are pictures and excerpts from the play.

Heidi recalls the power of a hymn

 

August 5, 2021

 

In the 1970’s and as a young redheaded fair skinned 11-year old girl living in Laie, Hawaii the year round weather offered very little variety.  On the north shore side of the island, trade winds were the refreshing blessing against the heat and humidity. 

 

Our beloved chapel on Iosepa Street had no air-conditioning which made conditions just right to fall asleep during Sacrament meeting each Sunday.  Sunday school was in the morning, then a break and back to Sacrament in the late afternoon.

 

During church I often folded over and put my head on my father’s knee and fell asleep.  Eyes closed and semi-aware I sensed the trade winds quickly pushing dark and thick clouds over the building.   Occasionally birds would make their way into the chapel and fly high above.  The louvered screen covered windows allowed breezes to make their way through the chapel cooling us off.  I felt the Lord’s Spirit of comfort while on my Dad’s knee.  Personal homemade palm leaf fans dotted the congregation, fanning beads of sweat.  Oscillating fans strategically spaced and mounted on the walls never did reach the center section where we sat—they just stirred the air.  Children stood on the pews close to the walls and faced up to the fans.  With hair blowing and eyes closed they followed the slow and deliberate motion of the fan. 

 

As quickly as the clouds moved in front of the sun and darkened the chapel, the rains loosened and burst forth.  Loud, glorious, and classic Hawaiian torrential rains could be heard on the chapel’s rooftop then gushing through the down spouts.  Puddles accumulated instantly with the heavy and thunderous splashes of water hitting water….hitting water. We listened. The final speaker ended and the organist began playing the prelude to the closing hymn.

 

“Abide with Me; ‘Tis eventide.

The day is past and gone;

The shadows of the evening fall;

The night is coming on.”

 

Lifting my head off of my Dad’s knee, I looked beyond the window screens and felt the awe inspiring Spirit of the living waters giving me respite from the heat.

 

“Within my heart a welcome guest,

Within my home abide.”

 

Please. Stay in my heart…linger. I felt the protecting Spirit and comfort of this moment protect and keep my heart warm and safe.

 

“The darkness of the world, I fear,

Would in my home abide.

 

O Savior, stay this night with me;

Behold, ‘tis eventide.”

Get politics out of sports

 Watch.

Black Father Slams Critical Race Theory

 Watch.

I love this apartment in Porto

Great location, kind landlady. Here is the link.

 

Is it possible to find quick answers to difficult questions?

My brother asked us for ideas about how he can teach the young single adults in his ward. 

 

My brother-in-law gave this reply:

I wish I had time to give you a more thoughtful answer, but for me, the first question each of us has to answer is “Am I able to consistently perceive the promptings of the Holy Ghost?” Without that spiritual competence, we are unable to deal with any significant challenge to our faith. With it, challenges to faith shrink and recede. It’s like a terrible snowstorm: If we are outside in it without proper clothing and far from home, we will struggle to survive. Spiritual confidence is the thick coat, the blazing fire that warms us while the storm rages. 

But the house, the fire, and the coat take a lot of effort to acquire. They require a lot of patience and determination. They can’t be handed to us. 

I think we focus too much on the youth of the church, who seem to want quick and easy answers to difficult questions. Spiritual confidence takes a lifetime to build and is generally unavailable to the young simply because they haven’t been around long enough to be proven. We used to demand so much more of the young before we admitted them to adulthood. 

If I were teaching your class, I would say: “You haven’t earned the right to judge the Church, or God, or history. If these questions shake you, that is evidence that you are not prepared, not mature enough. Go and gain some life experience. Learn to pray. Learn to obey. Learn to hear the still, small voice. Get some skin in the game by actually following that voice no matter how afraid or full of doubt you are. When you have done that consistently—for YEARS—you can then turn to the questions that so trouble you now. And, if you have gained real spiritual confidence, you will find the answers no longer matter to you because you know God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost. Everything else flows from that.”

Unshakeable Jared Halverson speaks to the youth of the Eastlake Stake

Recent puns o' mine

Contrary to the rumors, I have never been in a car with a coffin. It's just a bunch of hearsesay.

I have more sunscreen than you, but I'm not going to rub it in.

Make Men Masculine Again

Mother praying over her child

 

Pictures from my youth

Eastlake 5th Ward Talent Show 2020

Resiliency - The Gift That Keeps on Giving All Their Lives

by Barbara Smith, Director, Utah Family Partnership Network

We all know someone who is resilient; who seems to be able to face obstacles and bounce back time after time. It is easy to assume that they were just born with the resiliency gene. Not so. Resiliency is a skill, a way of thinking, a way of doing that can be taught. Resilience is the ability to overcome difficult experiences and be shaped for the better by them. There are very strategic actions parent can take to increase their children’s resiliency.

Don’t jump in and rescue your child from a challenge or struggle. Act as a guide on the side and let them know you understand it is hard, but you know they can figure it out. Encourage them to push forward. This is critical to helping build resiliency. It lets your child know you believe in them. Every time they make it through, they have learned they can struggle through things and succeed.

Let your child experience disappointment. Not everyone gets picked to be the lead in the school play. It is tempting to jump in and call the teacher or whomever you think can save your child. But the fact is not everyone wins. We all must face disappointment, but to help your children learn to cope with it now will teach them they can make it through in the future. Often being denied one opportunity opens the doors to other possibilities.

Don’t let your child play the Blame Game. You know the one. It is always someone else’s fault they didn’t make the home run, or they didn’t finish the assignment. Life isn’t always fair, but your children need to recognize their mistakes, own them and then fix them. (As parents we need to do the same). Don’t let your children become victims. Let them be the captains of their ships!

Help your child to label their feelings. If they can say they are mad they probably won’t hit their sibling. You can empathize with their feelings and ask them what they can do about it. Whether they are sad, lonely, frustrated, naming the feeling helps get it out in the open so they can face it and decide how to move on.

Celebrate the effort not the outcome. If the only time a child gets positive feedback is if they get an A or win first place, they will do anything to get those-even if it means cheating. Resiliency is nurtured by cheering the effort. What a gift to give your child, to be able to enjoy and be appreciated for the journey. 

Resiliency can be learned. Life is full of opportunities for these lessons to be taught. Be intentional about helping your children learn how strong they really are and how proud you are of them for not giving up. Catch them struggling with hard things and encourage them to keep trying. Teaching resiliency now is one of the greatest tools you can give your children to help them navigate all the ups and downs they will face in their future and help them believe in themselves.

Source.

My Testimony

I believe in the existence and power of God. He is our loving Heavenly Father. He has power that exceeds everything. He wants to us to grow and improve. 

He and His Son Jesus Christ created this world, a place where we could gain experience and have freedom of choice to grow. He sends messengers -- prophets -- to teach us.

In these days, He called Joseph Smith and subsequent prophets to re-establish His Son's church, replete with the teachings we need in order to grow. 

It is ours to choose how we will accept their teachings (scriptures, General Conference). As we accept and apply their teachings with faith, we will grow and come nearer to God.

Another part of applying the prophets' teachings includes repentance -- an acknowledgement and voluntary abandonment of our mistakes (sins) so that we can improve. As we abandon our mistakes, and submit our will to His, the power of Jesus Christ's atoning sacrifice serves as a bridge between our inadequacy and a loving but just Heavenly Father. This joyous journey brings us forgiveness and peace, and back to God.

Laminated letter from Mom - May 1987

Thanksgiving 2019 Brooks Family