1994
When Then
February 20, 1994
When the Heavenly God whispers to my soul,
When the human influences dissipate,
When my inner strength returns to the water's surface,
When surrounding colleagues cease to give me numb advice,
When I can face the truth with an uncovered face,
When backbitings die,
When enticings lose their edge,
When iniquity is not an option,
When my options and possibilities are maximized,
Then....
I will rise up
A Host of Flitting Images
March 13, 1994
A parent in a distant land
An unrecognized classic
An invisible, comforting, warm hand
A fair maiden
A jug of chocolate
A hardened stomach overfilled
A diet of nature's berries and seeds
A guided image in a lonely room
A sweeping dusk, so beautiful
An art not making sense
A sense of direction in my past
An aliveness rarely felt
A smile, a gel, a pasted-on look
A favor for a lover-friend
A myriad of delightful colors
A poorly defined instruction
A song of inspiration
A death, an image, a watery grave
A friend you wish you could help
A union betwixt colleagues and comrades
A judgment from an unclear distance
A tyrant
A crooked-toothed man with purpose
A sensual experience
A roomful of sweat
A treacherous, beckoning smile
A man who once knew me
A solitary conclusion
An effortless composition or construction
A dynamic steeplefold
A reverent bow-down and submission....
Somewhere in a field.
Ramblings Upon Falling Asleep
March 19, 1994
And when I drift into this sleep,
My day's clothes jumbled in a heap,
My head into the pillow seeps;
And when my mind has cleared the day,
Expulsed, exposed from mortal clay;
And when this heart runs even keel,
And when this soul continually prays,
And when I show love without fear,
She'll come to me. And I'll be here.
Leaving Her Behind
April 23, 1994
Deep down he knew (or felt) what he needed to do ---
--- But it was so incredibly hard ---
When he severed the ties, he was able to drift,
Almost mysteriously right into the arms of God's will;
When he severed the ties he was in the dark;
When he severed the ties he made the leap of faith;
When he severed the ties he momentarily fell,
Like a rock through a spider web,
Directly into the waiting palms of an anxious God ---
He was so happy to have leapt ---
It was more than worth it ---
--- A surgery rendering great blessings ---
This was a time of rejoicing, of true loving.
He then moved on
Eyes shut
Arms outstretched blindly before him
Guided by Breath, Feeling, Heart.
Incredible.
The Single Mother
April 24, 1994
It breaks my heart to watch the single mother;
No decent man around, so she settles for whatever's there (a shadow of a man),
And this shadowman either beats her, bleeds her of her resources, or verbally destroys her.
So she moves on, alone,
Not knowing who she can trust
Not knowing a good thing when she has it,
Wasting her assets,
Living without thinking (because thinking hurts, thinking reveals an anguishing reality);
--- I wish I could encompass and protect them all ---
And our children
Are growing up without fathers.
Love is Murky
April 24, 1994
Love is murky
A massive vast wall
A deep indigo pit
A corner
An invisibility.
But we crave for it
Feel along the wall for it
Dive into it
Head for it ---
Scoping
Groping
Hoping
(Eloping?)
No Title
April 24, 1994
A pile of my possessions falls, suddenly, as if by accident, off my bookshelf;
In a split second, without any forethought or planning, the possessions instantly arrange into a still pile on the floor.
Transformed from one state to another, instantly.
My life is comparable to that.
Sudden changes or feelings, no pre-planning, landing into unforeseen shapes instantly, settling so quickly,
And I must react to the new change.
Sometimes I embrace the change, sometimes I just grit my teeth and pick up the pieces.
It all happens so quickly. Sometimes I don't have time to think. And sometimes there's no going back.
Innocence
May 12, 1994
A small child named Innocence was backed into an unlit corner and made to stay.
Words That Stick
May 12, 1994
Words that stick
Like butter on spoons
Smearing into and out of your unconscious
A Battered Man Who Seeks a Fight
May 16, 1994
A battered man who seeks a fight
Readily backs into a corner:
Bring on the challenge;
This has been his only life.
He will speak with swings and jabs,
He'll drink with one hand,
Punch with the other;
Blood smeared down his face and shirt,
Muscles tight and pulled and strained.
Nobody ever bothered to ask him
Why he grew this way,
Nobody ever seemed to care;
Getting socked 'side the head by Dad everyday took its toll ---
Now he'll take the his turn giving the socks;
And the cycle will continue until they all die off --- or embrace Christ.
No song, no possession, no victory, no amount of beer or whiskey
Will ever fill the hole ---
Until he stops;
And hears his soul.
(Written about a friend of a friend. The fellow described here is from rural Utah, and embodies the typical country boy. He is the "shadowman" referred to on April 24, 1994.)
Sensitivity vs. Numbness
May 25, 1994
So much of today's world offers us the means to deaden our sensitivities --- that is, to numb us. I believe Satan is behind this. He has in a sense opened up all of the floodgates in society. We are exposed to an overdose of television, music, violence, sex, movies, newspapers, magazines, murders, fads, styles, advertisements, words, information, data, stimuli, etc., that our hearts and minds have become inundated. There is an excess, an influx, an overdose of information --- too much for us to see, hear, feel, taste, touch, read, ingest, smell, process... so we end up shutting out and ignoring, in an effort to preserve insanity. At this point we start to become numb.
When we are thus overstimulated, our sensitivity diminishes. Unlike Samuel the Lamanite, who prophesied what the Lord made him feel in his heart (Helaman 13:3-5), we easily fall out of contact with the still, small voice of God. His whisperings are so hard to hear or perceive when everything else is penetrating our sensors, screaming for attention.
If our sensitivities have eroded, then anything looks acceptable. The ability to distinguish between good and evil will become fuzzy and indiscernible. In our distorted eyes there won't be any perceivable evil or good, just neutral existence which is meaningless (2 Nephi 2:11, the last clause of the verse).
I move that we heighten our sensitivity; that we eliminate the constant barrage of distracters; that we give a little bit of room, silence, space, and meditation for our God to work within us.
The Governing Heart
June 12, 1994
Not the actions,
But the heart;
If the heart is in its place
The actions will consequently follow.
The heart as a compass;
The heart as the hand in the puppet;
True motives inevitably yield true actions.
A few basic principles to govern my lifestyle;
See God in all things;
Fight for your spiritual rights;
Am I not happy when anxiously involved in a good cause?
The Sacramental Bread is Here
July 17, 1994
The sacramental bread is here,
To show us Death won't last;
Soon the water will appear,
To reconcile our bloody past.
And Jesus the Anointed,
Whose Expiatory treasure,
Restores to all disjointed
Unsurfeiting eternal pleasure.
Give out thy alms as freely
As the sins you guard inside;
Then Christ's body, sold completely,
Refunds life to those who've died.
A Brief Glimpse of a Wedding Reception
August 18, 1994
So bring us rice and rose petals,
And capes to trod upon;
Bring us harps and dried bound nettles,
And slush punch on a lawn.
Leave My Life
August 18, 1994
Leave my life, vacate my heart,
Before it's stretched in two;
You torment me as if an art,
Yet claim you wit not what you do.
Just one more straw and I'll collapse,
My back is bent and breaking;
I've drained my reserve and, perhaps,
If you leave, I'll stop aching.
Let Words Come Out Like Raw Clay
August 20, 1994
Let words come out like raw clay;
Mold them, rub them, till what they say
Is what you mean,
Tells where you've been,
Depicts your scene,
Makes you clean.
And when those words have found their mark,
And when your prayers are made with faith,
And when your hungers are appropriately channeled ---
Your waters will run pure,
And you will be sure,
And you will have your cure.
No music now will drown these thoughts,
No food will serve to plug these clots,
No intra-peace-through-venous shots.
From Sense to Sensation to Sense
August 23, 1994
People, especially poets, need to make sense of things, to be the midwives of meaning. Don't confuse us with complex structures, or couched meanings, or glitzy, decorated facades which cover or misrepresent truth.
Make sense;
Be plain;
Seek to enlighten, not impress.
But my mind darts and dodges,
(There's so much in front of my face ---
To see, hear, digest, taste, consume, ingest)
The colors and sounds and flavors are almost too much, when suddenly, subtly...
I've arrived into a silent night.
There's no complaining in the silent night,
No one trying to sell me anything (incredibly, even salesmen sleep),
No one or thing crying for my time or attention (no one to say "no" to);
Only rhythmic crickets, my summer colleagues.
Go Without and See What Comes
August 23, 1994
Go without music
Go without TV
See how your thoughts will blossom
See how inspiration seeps in
Go without
And see what comes
We blow our minds on influx
We glut our brains on stimuli
Everything is flitting images
Too many choices
They all flutter by at break-neck computer speed
This is the selfish epoch
Swollen in consumption
This is America (?).
Revelation's Hill
September 11, 1994
Pray continually for Guidance
And then won't wisdom and God's will
Flow down from Revelation's hill?
Two streamlets join to make a rill,
And, gaining speed, they dash to fill
The body at the bottom,
The soul not God-forgotten,
Drenched in dews from God's deep well,
A Resource you cannot dispel,
And rinse the mortal, purge the hell.
Then make us rise from dry lake bed,
A resurrection from the dead,
A blessing given on the head
Of lakes that are receiving,
Of lakes that o'ercome grieving,
Of lakes steeped in believing.
Roles of a Teacher
November 6, 1994
The multiple roles of a teacher in this age include: teacher, friend, baby-sitter, psychologist, career guidance counselor, entertainer, stand-up comedian, parental figure, slave driver, coach, example, role model, values instructor, enemy, disciplinarian, facilitator, guide, paramedic, bodyguard, warden.
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