This topic is nagging me, and I have to flush it out of my system by writing about it. I have rewritten my thoughts a ton in an effort to sort things out in my mind.
The topic is judging.
This issue hits close to home for me living in Utah. Living here as a Mormon is like walking a tightrope. We pretty much know who is/n’t a Mormon. Expectations are high for conformity and activity. If you publicly break a commandment people will notice and remember and gossip. (I guess we love to see people fall....)
And the judging problem is also present between members and nonmembers. It’s particularly ugly here in the Salt Lake Valley. It seems we don’t know how to get along. The non-Mormons slam the Mormons, talk trash about them, and belittle. We draw political lines. We exclude. We’re the narrow-minded, self-righteous conservatives and they’re the left-wing liberals.
It has caused my wife and me to talk about moving to another state where Mormonism isn’t dominant. Maybe there we could live our life more peacefully and seek to practice our religion a little less stressfully; maybe wards would be more united and less gossipy; maybe friendships would be more long lasting. And maybe our own imperfections would be a little less glaring in the eyes of our non-Mormon neighbors.
I pretty much hate it all --- the contention, the division, the petty back-and-forth bickering, the ignorance, the gossiping, the hostility, and the judging. Yet sadly I must confess that I have engaged in it.
But it is so monstrously difficult not to judge when you yourself have been judged. It’s hard not to judge others when your own friends in the Gospel make fun of you and act like you’re a clueless, narrow-minded idiot because you’re an extremely conservative movie watcher. It’s hard not to judge others when you’re slammed by fellow Mormons because you don’t drink caffeine. It’s hard not to retaliate when you get ostracizing, puzzled looks because you’re not addicted to a TV series laden with sex, profanity, violence, and everything that contradicts our beliefs. It’s hard not to judge others after having been endlessly poked and dissected by members for being single until 31. Simply put, it’s hard not to judge others when you yourself feel mercilessly, unfairly judged --- even while you are doing your best to be good.
So what would Jesus do? I think he’d adhere to the following:
1) JUDGING MUST BE DONE RIGHTEOUSLY (with good, pure intentions, and in a spirit of love and charity (definitely never with contention)), even if nowadays it is so taboo and un-PC to do so. Two scriptures clarify things:
“Judge not unrighteously, that ye be not judged: but judge righteous judgment.” (JST Matt. 7: 1-2)
And
“15 For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is as plain, that ye may know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night.
16 For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.” (Moroni 7:15-16)
2) JUDGE QUALITIES, or characteristics --- NOT PEOPLE. Separate the sin from the sinner (easier said than done though, no?).
3) DON’T FORCE YOUR JUDGMENT on others, yet don’t hide it either. To do so leads to falsity (compartmentalized ethics) and gossiping. My rule of thumb is this: if I wouldn’t be comfortable saying it in their presence, I shouldn’t say it out of their presence either.
That’s what I want to do.
2 comments:
I think if the tension is approached properly one can turn the shortfalls of gossip and contention to their benefit.
I like Joseph Smith's commentary regarding gossip one has had spoken against them. He essentially says (don't have the quote in front of me) that we look for the potential grain of truth in peoples criticisms and then, if we find an error or something that would give the image of an error then we try to avoid such an action.
I do agree with your sentiment that many seem to be vocally, and at times vehemently, opposed to people trying to be as observant as possible. For some reason many have an anthema for either appearing to be zealously trying to be righteous. It almost reaches a point of "I'm less self-righteous than thou" for some reason some people take people who read things, or take things for themselves, in a manner more exacting or carefull than they have that you are somehow inherently calling them a sinner. This many of them cannot stand and become rather vocal and full of emnity.
I just have to do a few things when I face this. First off I just go to the scriptures and prayer and search my heart on the matter if I've any incling at all that I may be in the wrong. I also make sure that if it's a point in which clearl lines cannot be drawn that I simply remember to not try and extend my interpretation on others. If they still have issues with it then that is there problem. If I'm not certain my stance is necesarily perfectly defensible then I try not to judge them for going either more or less than I do in one dirrection or the other. If it is defensible and they are willing to listen I may discuss it with them. But you've always got to choose your battles. You can't fight (at least that's been my experience) very many things.
Heck, I look at how hard it is for me to take correction and I realize that we're all alot alike.
I certainly don't have things down pat. But I'm working on it.
Anyway. God be with you. My prayers will be with you.
I hope we can all be open where we should be open to critique and solid and firm where we should maintain our firmness. My experience tells me that in some areas you make determinations once and don't yield and in others you have to keep asking, re-evaluating and doing your best to navigate certain grey areas.
And most of all just try your 'darndest' to always be worthy of the spirit and to trust your better nature. Not that any of that gets us out of thinking for ourselves and pondering things in our heart.
"maybe wards would be more united and less gossipy" To gossip is human. There is even a theory that language came about because of it. The gossip may change if you change location but I don't think it will go away. (Though you might want to move for more money. I hear they pay teachers better in other states. =))
"if I wouldn’t be comfortable saying it in their presence, I shouldn’t say it out of their presence either." I once hear of this Buddist practice not to say anything about a person, GOOD or bad, without them being present. It's attempt to stop focusing on what others are doing and worrying about yourself. It's very hard to do. Especially when what they are doing affects you.
I hope things get better. Call me if you need to talk.
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